Monday, August 15, 2011

I don't feel i deserve to be neither loved nor cared! Why ?

So there was a guy i have chatted like a year ago. I blocked him a while ago because he was behaving bad to me. Seeing me worthless and etc. When we used to chat, he showed me a pic of a guy and said that he finds that guy attractive. Last week i found that guys facebook account and sent its link via an e -mail. ( That was stupid ). He said thanks and what i was doing and how i was. I told him that i have important exams so that's why we can't chat but the situation is different. I just couldn't dare to be honest because i actually find him really cute. As i read his last response in e mail, he said he accepted me from the minute i suggested friend request and added that he can not be rejected by anyone because of his "cuteness". That guy didn't accept my friend request and he was a cutie too. I feel in that way a lot lately. I have low self esteem. Feeling that i deserve to be at the bottom of the life. When a handsome guy speaks to me i get so exited and tattle a lot. I am seventeen and the guy i blocked is 22 y/o. We are both from Turkey and and gay. he is like very successfully in his life. He has a bf too. But the reason of my sadness is totally about me and my character. I don't feel/believe i deserve to be loved nor cared. I have a really bad relationship between me and my family. I feel so hopeless but i know that there is something i can do. There must be.

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